Today i am kinda emotional. Everything is already been hard for me. Living in this kind of situation where everyone can blame you for every single mistake you've done. It is like when you make good things and nobody will bother about it but when you make a mistake even it was only a small mistake. The whole world will judges you.
Love? What is that? Even i have been through a lot of relationship, but there is no relationship that i wanted to commit in it. Was it just a feeling or depression to get a partner? i do hate this kind of thing happen, but to find a real love a person that we worth love for is like trying to reach the star and pluck it. it was totally impossible to get that kind of love because every human have their own limits. But it looks weird when a person who aren't perfect want a perfect love. Because there is no perfect person in this world except than HIM, everything that that we have might give other think that we are rises perfectly but LOVE isn't something that we can buy with money, but LOVE grew by itself when the times come. What is LOVE? LOVE is when you saw someone you hate as someone that you'll cherish. LOVE is unlimited and it won't end, because LOVE was there since HE created this world.
When my sweet friend, Amy, emailed me yesterday and told me she’d be doing a blog topic called “Getting Real” and wanted me to participate, I started to worry. I’ve always kept it real on my blog and have been about as open as possible about my struggles and worries. But this time I know that Amy was looking for us to do it to encourage others and I just started to worry about what I would say.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I was mostly worried because when I think about my struggles and insecurities and things that have weighed me down over the years, I can immediately think of about ten different things. Which one would I write about?
I dated someone seriously in high school, but didn’t date anyone in college. I just knew that I’d go to college and meet my husband and that didn’t happen. Those were sad times. I was overweight for all of college and had one girl in particular who liked to point that out to me. That was a sad time. Would I ever lose the weight? I’ve gone through a rough time here in Columbia after friends moved away and TC and I were engaged where I couldn’t seem to find my place. And then again after we were married and had Hudson. And you know what? Every struggle and every prayer has been answered in God’s time.
The biggest thing I can say about not dating in college and those years of insecurity and doubt is that He was saving me. There was the perfect man for me out there and I wasn’t where I was supposed to be just yet. And I did lose the weight after some hard work and a lot of time.
But the thing I’m going to talk about today is finding my place. My value. My purpose.
You all know my recent struggles with being a SAHM. I love being home with Hudson every day and I know exactly how important that is. But I was also finding that I needed to be needed. And that’s the truth. I don’t know why, exactly, but who doesn’t like to be needed? I was becoming more and more insecure when I would think about some of the talents that I left behind and had chosen to stop using.
So I started plugging myself in more in every way that I could find. Various church commitments, activities for Hudson, Junior League commitments, etc. And that was all good, but I have been so incredibly busy lately that I’m starting to realize just how overwhelmed I am. And more commitments means that I spend more nights away from home or more time responding to emails and making phone calls.
And you know what? It took a very loud message from our Pastor during his sermon recently when the Lord told me, “a full calendar doesn’t make you important.”
Shouldn’t I just know that because He died for me, I am important? How much more important do I need to feel?
And then I look at my perfect and precious little boy and think, “Why would I want to fill my day with anything other than being with you?”
I know we all need activities away from home just as working mothers need activities away from work. I totally understand that and I’m not saying at all that I plan on quitting anything that I’ve started. But God has shown me that I have been foolish for spending so much time looking when my value and self-worth should have been plain as day to me all along.
My full calendar and extra bits of cash from my side job are not going to make me feel better about getting out of bed in the morning if I’m not seeing how important He already thinks I am. And I have to believe it, too!
Last night during Bible study, we were watching Beth Moore on video and she directed us to Acts 21:24, in which Paul says, “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me– the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”
What I think of my life should mean nothing to me. I know that the Lord Jesus found me to be so important that He died for me. What I think doesn’t matter one little bit!
I know that not all of my readers are Believers and my prayer is that this post isn’t a turn-off for you. But this is my heart and I wanted to share it today because there may be just one other person that has gone through the same thing.
In the past few weeks I have re-prioritized and have found that not only am I less stressed, but I am also not looking for ways to be stressed. I don’t need to add a thing to my calendar and I don’t need to get phone calls from people inviting me to do things to feel loved and important.
I want to encourage all of you to visit Amy’s wonderful blog today and if you are a blogger and want to share your story, you can link up there to her post. There are quite a few really honest posts that have already been linked up and maybe one of them is something you need to read.
It occured to me yesterday as I dialogued with a single blogger friend that I'm not the only one "in waiting". Mine may be for a child and hers for the husband she longs to know...but however different these struggles may be, they are equally painful. The not knowing can be the hardest part of any situation. If you aren't single, don't leave yet!!! I'm hoping you can help in a sec. A bit of the email:
...don't think that just because there is no one in your "every day world" right now that it means that God isn't working on it. At 27, I remember thinking that "all the good ones were surely gone" and there was no one in my current environment that I would ever consider as potential to marry. On a whim, I applied for a job in Bham, AL even though I was living in Dallas, TX, did a phone interview, and when I got the job, I packed up a Uhaul and was off...didn't know anything about what "tomorrow" would hold, which was very unlike me. Within six months, I had met, gotten to know, and married DW. I went fromnothing to everything in a mind-spinning short time. DW has said the same thing...he didn't know how he was ever going to meet the one and then one day an email with a resume came through that changed his life. I know it's hard when people around you are getting married and having babies and their lives seem to click and yours is a mystery. Just remember, God can change everything in a nano-second.
By the end of the email to encourage her, I realized that God was telling me to turn that statement about how "He can change everything in a nano-second" riiiiight back on myself. I haven't been living my life like I really believe that as I struggle through my battle with infertility. Again, I'm a work in progress.
It suddenly occured to me that I'd love for people to tell their stories of when God seemed far or His plan unclear and then they had the CLICK moment where it all comes together and you realize His plan wasn't just there all along, it was a dang good one. I figure we've all had a different journey and each of us has a moment like this we could potentially share to minister to others. The "Wow, God...I get it" moment.
I need encouragement today. I want others to be encouraged today. I'm hoping for real moments of clarity from real people: the things you wish someone had said to you. Things someone did saythat helped. Maybe even the things you wished people hadn't said to you. Your experiences about finally finding the One, marriages that have survived despite the odds, miracle pregnancies, unexpected job opportunities. I'm confident your story has the power to minister to someone else today.
I've attached one of those McLinky things below. If you'll put your struggle: "Job Woes", "Single Forever", whatever best explains what you went through and what God taught you through it. Hopefully this will help other readers with similar current issues find you. If you think that you have readers that would like to participate and share, I'd love it if you'd send them over. I'm hoping the more transparent we all are...the more we can help each other do this crazy thing called life.
It's not an easy process so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn't matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard... It's usually the small ones that pain the most...
Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it's hard letting go of all that.. It's not impossible, its just hard.
You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like take me for example I had my first kiss with the most recent one and now I can't kiss anybody honestly... Guys try but my heart hurts and I back up... all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you're still dealing with the aftermath of losing sucha precious moment and experience...
My advice is learn... Be strong, not weak. You're worth more than that... Don't settle for anything smaller this time around... RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn't meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight... Someone who will love just as much... Accept what you don't have and cherish what you do... Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories... You still have a future, with you happy in it.
Love is still there... In you ~smiles~ you'll get over him... Don't worry if feels like it's impossible, but it is... Eventually one day you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you'll be surprised at the fact that you don't jump at the mention or sight of him... Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him... How it was and how it isn't... It's not easy... It's doable!
Love is a Stage
It's time to put on your face again...
Don't forget the eyes. Never forget the eyes.
You've got to look beautiful for them, they are all watching what you will do next.
Come into the light, it's time for your performance.
You have forgotten your lines.
The spotlight is on you, and it's burning your skin. The rest of the stage is black.
Fumbling blindly. Unaware of the old moldy floorboards, the layout of the stage, the voices, the eyes, all watching.
This is not what you rehearsed! The scenarios seem foreign, trying to keep up with the actions and dialogues, a hundred faces watching.
You beg for it to be over, just to leave. The spotlight is getting brighter but the faces are getting darker, until the only thing you can see is there black glistening eyes.
Run.
Flee the building, stage door exit. The rain runs your makeup. The sodium street lights guide you home.
You wonder as you change out of your costume...
"did they applaud me?"
But there's no time for that, you have another performance tomorrow.
And the next day and the next day and the next.
Love is a stage. It's time for all of us to play our part. And maybe someday, someone will write a comedy.
Loving someone just for who they are and loving the idea of someone is two different thing that people can’t seem to differentiate.
Do you really love a person regardless of the flaws that they have in the past, the flaws they have now, and the flaws they’ll develop in the future?
Loving someone for who they are is when you have seen almost all the sides they choose to show to you. Loving someone for who they are is despite knowing that they have done so much bad things in the past and you know that already. Loving someone is loving them exactly for who they are, despite looks because inner beauty is what matters most. Loving someone is actually knowing that you won’t judge them regardlessly. Loving someone is actually knowing that they’re realistic, not a figment of your imagination. Loving someone is just loving someone that you know you can see all beautiful errors of them and knowing exactly who they are and what they look like, nevertheless.
Loving the idea of someone is an illusion you have created to let your mind tell you that, the person you love right now is someone you really think you love for who they, inside and out. When really, the person you created isn’t the person you thought they be. You might only like the image of them, then when you get to know them, their appearance means so much to you that you think you fell in love with them even if you got to know them. To me, this is what I mean when you only love the idea of them. You may only fall in love with a part of them, while everything is just an exclusionary delusion.
Ask yourself again, do you really love that person for who they are or do you love just the idea of them, which is only a part of them?
” We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, but to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly “
I read that quote from unknown author somewhere, and well, I do really put that over my head, and my heart. When we meet someone we are attracted to, it is not a choice. I believe it is a chance. Also when we meet the right person to love, being caught up in a moment and get together, I (still) believe it is not a choice, but also a chance.
The difference is what happens afterwards. When will we take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That is when all sanity goes back, we sit down and contemplate whether we want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If then we decide to love a person, even with his faults, it is not a chance. It is a choice.
When we choose to be with a person, no matter what, it is a choice. Even if we know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than our mate is, and yet, we decide to love our mate just the same, it is a choice.
Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chances. However, true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soul mates, I believe is so true about that Fate brings you together, but it is still up to you to make it happen.
I do believe that soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for us. Nevertheless, it is still up to us to make the choice if we are going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mates is still a choice we have to make, and it’s all simply because we came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.
Today is someone special day. He is a totally wonderful person who is already 20 today. He is a perfectionist? Or maybe a crazy person? But for me today HE is the special one. Because today is the day where he was open to this world 20 years ago. Happy Birthday Hafizuddin Idres. Even it is just a simple wishes but it came from the bottom of my heart so please do cherish it ya(JKJK). Enjoy the day of your life before you regret it. And make sure you don't make any mistake in any kind of relationship again. Find someone who really care for you and loves you. I'll give my best wishes to you guys^^. Lastly, Hafizuddin Idres, I'll try to control myself from now on. So please be yourself. Don't be hurt and don't hurt others. You bring magic into the world my friend and with your magic, this world becomes a better place to live in. Probably, that is because you are an angel. I seriously don't know what I would do without you. Happy Birthday to the best friend I've ever had.'
bwara Mr. Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
bwara Miss Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo (S J Call!)
bwara Mr. Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
bwara Miss Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo (S J Call J Call J Call J Call J Call)
[Leeteuk] Dance
[Leeteuk] jayuran ge mwo geuri byeolgeo itna ([Eunhyuk] Just Get It Get It)
[Leeteuk] soso han iltal ye jaemi ([Eunhyuk] dungdungdung kungkungkung)
[Shindong] sara itneun geudael neukkigo shipna ([Donghae] Just Grab It Grab It)
[Shindong] gaseum ttwineun nae kkumdeul ye yaegi ([Donghae] dungdungdung kungkungkung)
Because I Naughty, Naughty
[Kyuhyun] ije geokjeong hajima, apen joheun nari ol geoya, shimgak han yaegin da dwiro mirwo dugo
[Yesung] oneureun balkge useobwa, geudae ye hwanhan useume modu gibun joha jyeo
bwara Mr. Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
bwara Miss Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo (S J Call!)
bwara Mr. Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
bwara Miss Simple, Simple, geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo (S J Call!)
gaja gaja eoseo gaja, makhyeosseul ttaen dora gaja
golchi apa jukget damyeon, oneul haruman nolgo boja
an geurae do geochin sesang, jugeo ra ttwimyeon naman jichyeo
gidaryeo bwa akkyeo dwo bwa, neoye nari god ol tenikka
Blow Your Mind, [Heechul] gara Mr. Simple
Blow Your Mind, [Eunhyuk] ttaega wat janha duryeo wo malgo
Blow Your Mind, [Shindong] gaja Mr. Simple
Blow Your Mind, gara Mr. Simple
Lyrics Translation
Because You Naughty, Naughty Hey! Mr. Simple
Because You Naughty, Naughty Suju is going!
You can’t get mad that the world doesn’t go your way, you don’t have to
Mind your own business. Don’t be too attached to trivial things, it’s not good for your body
It’s just that my personality goes good then bad, so what! There must be times when my performance goes up then down too
It’s okay, it’s also good to rest then keep going, because everything has its time
If you’re a man, go meet your friends and sweep it off with a drink (Alright!) Alright
If you’re a woman, go meet your friends, have a chat and throw it away (Alright!) Alright, Alright
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s hurry and go, let’s go back when we are blocked. If it’s too troublesome you feel like dying, just for today let’s play first
Anyway when this harsh world runs like hell, I’m the only one that is worn out. Just wait, just save it, because your day will come soon
Blow Your Mind Go Mr. Simple
Blow Your Mind The time has come, don’t be afraid
Blow Your Mind Let’s go Mr. Simple
Blow Your Mind The time has come, you know you’re read
We are living in this world where annoying things aren’t just one or two, know that too
What is so hard about this? We just have to eat well, sleep well and do well too, that will do
If you’re mad, go meet your friend and release it by talking behind their backs (Alright!) Alright
If you’re distressed, sing a song, scream out loud and blow it away (Alright!) Alright, Alright
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Dance Is there any big deal about that thing called freedom? Just Get It Get It
The joy of small deviations doong doong doong koong koong koong
Do you wanna feel yourself living? Just Grab It Grab It
Talk about the dreams that my heart is running to doong doong doong koong koong koong
(Because You Naughty, Naughty)
Don’t worry now, good days will come next. Leave serious stories behind
Smile brightly for today, with your bright smile, everyone will be lightened up
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Look Mr. Simple, Simple You are you are cool just like that
Look Miss Simple, Simple You are pretty just like that (S J Call!)
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s hurry and go, let’s go back when we are blocked. If it’s too troublesome you feel like dying, just for today let’s play first
Anyway when this harsh world runs like hell, I’m the only one that is worn out. Just wait, just save it, because your day will come soon
If i tell you guys that i love someone that 99.99% won't love me back, you guys must be laughing hard right now.But I just can't stop loving him. He is like a light in my dark world. I know i look stupid. But only with his voice I can melt. Only with his stupid words I can smile the whole day. Wasn't it worth to be appreciated? Someone that can make me smile like an idiot. Than someone that would make me cry like an idiot. But sometimes loving him seems like a biggest mistake i ever made. Because it cause me having heartache every times he treat other girls better than me. And when others girl say they miss him, they loves him and he just treat them like it was a normal things. At that time my heart will hurt like I was going to die. If only he understand my feeling. How wonderful was it. It was the first time i ever love a person with my whole heart. Because i know that this kind of love will not have an ending. Ready to love means ready to be hurt. I am ready for this kind of LOVE that's means I am ready to be hurt. Even the hurt that it might give me is bigger and larger than the Love that i gave out. But I'll endure it because I know loving a person wasn't as easy to hate a person. You'll be by my side always. FOREVER IN MY HEART.
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