Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Hug Can Save A Life

Dr Jeff Mullan

Twin girls, Brielle and Kyrie, were born 12 weeks ahead of their due date. Needing intensive care, they were placed in separate incubators.
Kyrie began to gain weight and her health stabilized. But Brielle, born only 2 lbs, had trouble breathing, heart problems and other complications. She was not expected to live.
Their nurse did everything she could to make Brielle’s health better, but nothing she did was helping her. With nothing else to do, their nurse went against hospital policy and decided to place both babies in the same incubator.
She left the twin girls to sleep and when when she returned she found a sight she could not believe. She called all the nurses and doctors and this is what they saw (refer to that picture ).
As Brielle got closer to her sister, Kyrie put her small little arm around her, as if to hug and support her sister. From that moment on, Brielle’s breathing and heart rate stabilized and her health became normal.
From then on, they decided to keep both babies together, because when they were together they kept each other alive...
Believe it or not, God is amazing~


A Quick And Fun Guide To Harajuku Style

Harajuku fashion was created in Tokyo, and evolved into a global pop culture phenomenon. You may have heard of it in one of its different names - Japanese Schoolgirl fashion, Tokyo pop culture and Tokyo pop princess.
'Harajuku Girls' is also the title of Gwen Stefani's 2004 album. The reference to Tokyo street fashion, helped draw attention to Harajuku Gothic fashion.
You may also remember the deadly schoolgirl In the movie 'Kill Bill', which created global recognition for 'Japanese Schoolgirl fashion'.

Tokyo street fashion turned Tokyo into a fashion capital. Tokyo fashion is well known in the world.
It's no wonder that Tokyo fashion designers and international designers look to the Tokyo street fashion for fresh inspiration. They closely watch Harajuku style and subcultures.
The Tokyo street fashion caused a cultural revolution, inspiring a new generation of designers all over the world.
Harajuku Gothic fashion is promoted in Japanese and international magazines such as Kera, Tune, Gothic & Lolita Bible and Fruits.


8 FUN Stories From Tokyo: Japanese Daily Life

* Japanese people bath in the Sento. A Sento is a public bathhouse.
Japanese houses are very small because of shortage of land (most of Japan is mountainous) and crowded cities.
Most Japanese apartments are so tiny, that having a bath was out of question.
The Japanese are extremely clean people, and so they turned the bathing act almost into a ritual.
The Sento is a strange mishmash between a Spa and a social get-together.
Japanese people soap and wash themselves outside the bath tab, and only enter the water when they are clean. Then, a towel over their forehead, they relax in the water.
Men and women bath separately, in case you were wondering.
If your time in Tokyo permits – I highly recommend experiencing it. This is a very basic part of Life In Japanese Culture.

* Showing emotions is very restricted in Japanese Daily Life. Japanese are in general very reserved.
Japanese don’t show affection in public – kissing, hugging and holding hands are very rare scenes in the Japanese street. Even patting on the back is not acceptable.
Japanese are extremely sensitive to what others might think of them and are very cautious to do something new, different, or independent.
Being disliked is one of the most terrible things that can happen to a Japanese person, who is brought up to be part of a group and depend on others.
Japan is a very crowded nation. Japanese must take into account other people in everyday life.
The emergency room masks people wear in the streets for example, are worn to protect other people from a virus or a slight cold.

In order to live peacefully in a crowd, there must be harmony which will make Japanese Daily Life more tolerable. That's why Individualism and expressing emotions are viewed negatively and associated with selfishness.

* The Japanese businessman will behave according to cultural and traditional codes of Life In Japanese Culture. Tokyo is no exception to that.
Behind the smiles and excellent manners there is an attempt to avoid open conflict.
Saying 'no' is very uncomfortable for them because they try to please as part of the codes of Life In Japanese Culture. That's why a 'diplomatic language' is often used rather than the straight forward approach.

* Japanese school life prepares the children to Life in Japanese Culture. Japanese kids are taught to act harmoniously and cooperatively with others from the time they go to pre-school.
The education system puts great emphasis on politeness, personal responsibility and working together and less importance on the individual.
Competition is a fundamental part of Life In Japanese Culture. Getting into the right kindergarten will influence your chances to be accepted to the right school, the right school determines your chances at the best universities, which determine your chances for landing a job in a reputable company.
Competition is so fierce in Japanese life, that every year around the time universities publish results of entrance exams there is a mass of suicides among Japanese young people.
There is also a unique Japanese school-refusal syndrome in which youngsters avoid academic or social interaction and retreat to their room for years.
Mothers contribute to their child's success by sitting in classroom instead of the kid when he is sick and writing the class work(!!)
Since most Japanese families have only one child (because of tiny apartments and high cost of living) every child is very pampered here in Japan.

* Life In Japanese Culture is not easy. The Japanese people work many hours.
Offices are jam-packed open space with very little privacy.
Death from over-work is not rare, and the general tendency is to sacrifice yourself for the company.
Life In Japanese Culture involves going for drinks after work with colleagues.
Most office workers arrive home on the last train and see their families on weekends only.
Living in Tokyo itself is unaffordable for most of the population because of land prices.
The result is that most office workers commute for an hour and a half morning and evening as a way of life.
During rush hours commuting on the Tokyo subway is not pleasant - no sleeping or reading is possible since it's packed. Standing up all the way is very common.
The prices of stress from work and social pressures are reflected in high rates of alcohol consumption, chain-smoking, high levels of suicide and many psychosomatic syndromes.
As opposed to that Tokyo Nightlife has a very different set of rules. It is an opportunity to see a very different side of the reserved nature of the Japanese.

Another form of coping is by enjoying the distraction offered by Japanese popular culture – Phachinko parlors, Karaoke, Maid cafe's and Comics.

* Life In Japanese Culture for women is very different. Women are not considered a part of the work force.
Most of them work as 'Office Ladies' doing minor secretarial tasks until they marry. Then they are expected to quit.
Women are trained to act and look cute. Their clothing and personal appearance, behavior and characteristics are very feminine and childlike.
With Japan's ongoing recession this is changing slightly in the last few years.
In some families women had to go out and get a job because of unemployment of their husband.
But this is still a very minor change in Japanese Way of Life.

* The concept of 'cute' - kawaii is a major influence here in Japan.Tokyo street fashion produced the unique Harajuku girls fashion.
Japanese youth culture created Cosplay - dressing up with motifs from Hello Kitty and other adorable little creatures.
The costumes include lace, ruffles and pastel colors. Accessories include toys like plastic pistols or teddy bears.
The phenomenon is not limited to young people. Women In Tokyo well into their 30s carry Hello Kitty bags and Pikachu lunch boxes.
Like it or not – you decide for yourself, but it's something you just have to see.
Now for the most astonishing part - this cute- 'kawaii' phenomenon is not limited to Tokyo teens and women.
Japanese airlines like Nippon Airways have Pokémon and Pikachu painted on their Airplanes (see the photo on the right).

Even Tokyo police and the government television station all have their own cute lucky charm characters as Logos.

* The Japanese treat non-Japanese with a very interesting combination of admiration, suspicion, and some anxiety.
They adore everything 'international' and 'American'.
Fast food chains are a hit here, and they even have their own replica of the statue of liberty (in Odaiba Tokyo).
You will find that most locals are very willing to help if you ask them for directions.
The language barrier and the nervousness from dealing with a non-Japanese will cause many to giggle with embarrassment, but they will solve that by accompanying you to see you're in the right direction.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Accept And Forgive by Sally Bramptom



I write an advice column for a newspaper and so many of the letters I get are seething with resentment, usually against mothers, ex-husbands and lovers (in that order). You can feel the corrosion of anger burning through the words – insistent, self-righteous and outraged – just as you can feel the damage it’s doing. If we’re hanging on to resentment, we may just as well open the door and say, come right in and live rent-free in my head. We lose peace of mind in self-justification. We never gain it. Most of us intuitively know that, which is why many of the letters plead, ‘I want to let go, but how?’ Some aim for the loftier heights of forgiveness: ‘I know I ought to forgive, but I can’t.’

Oh yes, forgiveness. I’ve never much liked the word. I find it too bossy and patronising. As Oscar Wilde put it, ‘Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.’ We beg for forgiveness or we grant forgiveness and it seems to me, in that imbalance of power, that nobody wins. Abject apology and overbearing superiority have never made for a happy relationship. Either we feel tainted by humiliation or, at heart, feel uneasy even in the momentary satisfaction of holding out the regal, ringed finger of forgiveness to be kissed.

I prefer the word acceptance simply because I believe it’s where true reconciliation lies. If we can accept each other as we are – flawed, fragile, damaged and human – we might come somewhere close to understanding. If we can let go of resentment without begging or demanding, we may discover enough clarity to see where the problem lies – usually with both of us. As Rumi, the thirteenth-century Persian mystic, put it in one of my favourite poems, ‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing; there is a field. I will meet you there.’

I sent that poem to my mother with whom I had enjoyed a long relationship of crushing resentment. It bounced off her like an Indian rubber ball. ‘How lovely, darling,’ she said. But then my mother has no awareness about her own behaviour or the internal anger I guarded for years. I knew it was doing me no good so I began to struggle with the idea of forgiveness and discovered that, for me, it was an imperative too far. I should forgive her. I must forgive her. That’s when I grew to embrace the concept of acceptance. If I could just accept her as she is, however difficult and demanding, and see beyond the behaviour (and what might have caused it in some long-ago past) to the person behind, I might find the compassion to understand and love her. And, these days, I do.

I wish I could say it was my own wisdom that brought me to that green field of understanding but it was the words of Buddhist monk and writer Jack Kornfield, ‘Letting go is not getting rid of. Letting go is letting be.’ It flicked a light switch in my head. I let go of the struggle, of the ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’ of forgiveness. Now I try to accept people and life just as they are. I try to let them be.


Sunday, October 30, 2011

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO DO EVERYTHING?

When Lucy was at school, she knew exactly what she wanted to be when she grew up. From setting up a dolls’ hospital in her parents’ garage to being glued to TV medical dramas, her ambition in life was clear. No one was surprised when she went to medical school. 
Her younger sister Amanda, on the other hand, is mystified by such single-mindedness. At the age of 34 she has yet to decide upon a profession, having moved from career to career. ‘When I left university with an arts degree, I thought the world was my oyster,’ she says. ‘So many different things interested me, I thought finding the job of my dreams would be easy.’ 
First she worked in marketing for a record company, but soon tired of that and got a job with the local parks department. Then she took a course to teach English as a foreign language and went to live in Japan, then Mexico, then Romania. Now she’s back in the UK, setting up a business offering podcasts and internet radio. 
‘People have called me a dreamer, a drifter and a hopeless case because it seems that I lack focus,’ she says. ‘I think this is unfair. I do focus, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to explore all of my interests.’ 
Although people around her don’t understand her, Amanda is a great example of the joys of non-specialism. Her CV may be filled with seemingly random jobs yet, in her current business, she can use the skills from her previous adventures to offer something unique. Her training in marketing, audio editing and speaking four languages are all invaluable assets, and each new interest and experience feeds the next — no matter how different they may seem.

Author and life coach Barbara Sher believes that we all fall into two categories — scanners and divers — and has written a book, What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything?, in praise of generalists, or scanners.

‘Divers are perfectionists,’ she says. ‘They like to see projects through to the end and aim to achieve mastery. Scientists and musicians tend to be divers. Divers usually stick to one profession, sometimes even just one hobby, for life. They like to focus deeply, and feel comfortable when they are in control. However, you can also be a diver in one field, say a career, yet still indulge in “hit and run obsessions” outside work. I knew a neurologist who drove his wife crazy with his series of short-lived,
passing hobbies.’

Scanners, however, tend to embrace everything that excites and inspires them — only to ditch those interests when something even more interesting attracts their attention. ‘People accuse scanners of being dabblers and they get a lot of grief for never finishing what they start,’ observes Sher. ‘This isn’t really accurate. Scanners do finish things, it’s just that they do it on their own terms. They bail out when they feel they’ve got what they need from a particular activity. They tend to be less ambitious than divers because they don’t fear failure. What scanners fear more than anything is boredom.’

Scanners are often attracted to the initial learning curve of a project, but once they’ve grasped a concept, they get bored and move on to something else. Divers, however, love nothing better than to immerse themselves and repeat the same experience over and over again, improving each time.

You probably already know if you’re a scanner. Sher believes that the first step to achieving multiple goals and dreams is to decide what type of scanner you are. ‘For example, not all scanners are happy to skim the surface of a subject. There are “serial specialists” who stick to a particular career or field for four or five years and often excel at what they do, although they’ll eventually move on to something completely different.’ This type of scanner needs to acknowledge the pattern and start planning for their next big move well in advance.

Another type is a ‘plate spinner’, who likes to work on several projects at once. A more problematic type of scanner is what Sher terms ‘high-speed indecisives’, and the rest of us call ‘dabblers’. ‘These people fall madly in love with an idea for a few weeks, or even days, and then can’t remember why they ever liked it in the first place.’

Mark, 37, has always suffered from this syndrome. ‘I’m a musician and a writer, and also love to paint,’ he says. ‘I get a lot of ideas — inspiration can strike from anywhere.’ He will become besotted by an idea, ‘Then I talk about it compulsively for a few weeks, imagining every possible outcome. I literally exhaust myself in this way’ — without ever writing, drawing or composing a thing. ‘A few weeks later it feels stale and flawed, and I don’t know what I ever saw in it.’

Sher has observed similar symptoms between the ‘high-speed indecisive’ scanner and attention deficit disorder (ADD). The inability to concentrate or, at the other extreme, focusing inappropriately on things of no consequence, can afflict both scanners and those with ADD. ‘A lot of scanners at my workshops have been misdiagnosed as having ADD,’ she says. ‘But there are differences. Scanners don’t usually indulge in impulsive, hyperactive behaviour or display the “scatter-brained” forgetfulness that typically affects those with a psychological disorder.’

Still, the gap between the ‘successful’ scanner and the ‘failed’ scanner is a wide one. Margaret Lobenstine, author of The Renaissance Soul, believes that the greatest example of a successful generalist is Oprah Winfrey. ‘What she does is an example of Renaissance Woman at its finest,’ she says. ‘She has brought her diverse range of passions, from self-development and psychology, to weight loss and fitness, to book groups, to humanitarian aid in South Africa to an international audience of millions.’

But even high-achieving scanners may be faced with disapproval. Lobenstine believes that the pressure to specialise begins early in life. ‘A typical example is the child who begs her mother for tap-dancing lessons. The mother goes out and buys expensive tap shoes and a leotard, and arranges a car pool rota to get her there. The child attends one or two classes, figures out the steps and then announces she doesn’t want to go anymore. The mother then usually goes ballistic and accuses the child of not being able to stick to anything. Some children just aren’t wired that way.’

Lobenstine believes children should be encouraged to try everything that interests them because it’s good for personal development and because the future economy is crying out for generalists. ‘Increasingly, businesses believe in people working in teams. Those teams are usually made up of specialists. But who is going to lead those teams? The best candidate will always be the person who has experience of many different roles.’

She points out that those who like to excel at one thing are also being short-changed by society. ‘There’s this implication that if you specialise, then you’re stuck with it for ever. But in order to have achieved that level of mastery, a person has developed incredible skills of focus, drive and commitment. Why can’t specialists leave and start out again?’

Lobenstine herself has done this several times, and went from academia to opening bed and breakfasts in the US. ‘It’s daunting giving up your safe income and the status that comes from having professional recognition. But the toughest thing of all for specialists is having to deal with society’s negative perceptions if you want to change path.’

Now that we can no longer expect a job, or even a profession, to be for life, there are obvious benefits from adopting a more generalist approach. One recent survey suggested that today’s graduates may have as many as seven different careers in a lifetime that, thanks to diminishing pensions, will see them working into their seventies. The fact that companies are now willing to let employees take ‘grown-up gap years’ is another sign that times are changing.

One of the biggest problems for scanners is that they can get lost in a never-ending sea of flash-in-the-pan interests. Overwhelmed by choice, option paralysis can set in and the scanner — like Mark — never lives up to their potential. Or else they use perpetual indecision as a form of procrastination. Another downside is that, like a commitment-phobic lover, the generalist may find it hard to dedicate themselves fully to one thing out of a misplaced fear that they might miss out on a better prospect tomorrow.

As psychotherapist Andrea Perry points out, ‘If someone spends their time flitting from thing to thing, there’s a danger that they may end up feeling as if they’ve eaten canapés rather than a proper meal. There’s that feeling of vague dissatisfaction. Picking at things can be lovely, but nothing beats the sensation of being authentically “full-up” — and knowing how to attain that state is valuable.’

‘At some point, scanners who never finish anything should sit down and look at what’s really going on,’ says Sher. ‘When a scanner hits a certain wall, they stop. Often, it’s because they’ve lost interest. But sometimes, boredom is actually just a manifestation of subconscious fear. I tell people that they must, at least once a year, push through that anxiety and stick with a project until completion. They need to experience that discipline. And there’s a chance they’ll experience twice as much joy from experiencing that unfamiliar degree of depth.’

Are you a diver or a scanner? Take our test to find out.

Straightforward and Spontaneous That's Who I Am

You live for happiness. As far as you are concerned being happy is straightforward and natural: all you need to do is listen to your own needs and work out how to fulfil them reasonably and without harming others. You are of the philosopher Pascal’s opinion that man was born for pleasure. Because of this, you are happy the majority of the time. You don’t have preconceived ideas about the things that make you happy and you don’t feel the need to seek out happiness. You simply let life take its course, staying in touch with how you feel. On the whole, this shows that you’re in tune with the world around you. You know that life is what you make of it and that you’ve got to live in the present. You are therefore open, receptive and tolerant towards people and situations, and are able to get something positive out of whatever you do. If there is a down side to this attitude it is perhaps that you find it difficult when things go wrong, or when other people seem to be against you. You always try to make the best of whatever situation you’re in and you try to think the best of people, but this sometimes trips you up. By all means admire a bunch of roses, but look out for the thorns. You need to learn to be more circumspect. Sometimes an unfortunate event turns out to serve some sort of purpose, even if you weren’t able to take anything positive from it at the time. You should be happy that you are able to adapt to changed circumstances. 

From : DR Christophe André psy test

How important is being happy? Do you do everything in your power to seek out pleasure? Answer the following questions to find out how much of a hedonist you are. 
By Christophe André, psychiatrist and psychotherapist
 

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